On the Benefits of Gaming

7 communication skills from fantasy play

I have an alter-ego. You may know me as Carol, but I’ve been known in another realm as Cordelia for almost a year now. Cordelia is from a family of smiths in a port city, and she has gained a reputation for negotiation and using elements of nature to immobilize an enemy when necessary.

Cordelia is my character in a table-top role-playing game (a TTRPG for those in the know).

The most well-known TTRBG is Dungeons and Dragons. I first heard about it decades ago when my children were still quite young. Because of how it was labeled as dangerous in certain conservative religious circles, it was a definite no-no, something we would not allow them to play.

But of course they did, eventually.

And now I’m a gamer too.

Three factors converged to move me toward fantasy play. First, I realized I needed more play in my life. Second, my creativity was getting lethargic. I wondered if a grown-up choose-your-own-adventure experience might spark new neuropathways. Third, one of my sons has been creating a D&D-derived game called Rended Cilerea and started a related business called Dinners and Dragons. When Paul told me he was putting together a group to play-test his game, I told him I wanted to give it a try.

I thought it might be fun, and it is.  I look forward to our game nights. And every time we play, I see how the gaming experience builds muscle in communication skills that can benefit our ability to work together in organizations and improve interpersonal health within our families, and neighborhoods.

Let me highlight seven ways we practice:

Practice another perspective. Playing a character with friends or coworkers who are also playing characters opens the way to practice seeing things through someone else’s eyes. A fantasy environment is a safe place to practice getting out of our own heads. All our interactions will improve if we can carry this shift into real life, because without even realizing we’re doing it, we tend to assume others know what we know and think like we think, which of course is not true. This mindset sets us up for miscommunication.

Practice communicating across differences. Our adventuring group includes eight players aged 15 through 74 in real life; some are neuro-spicy. Our characters were strangers when they began the adventure. They came from five different parts of their world. The fantasy environment gives us practice communicating across all kinds of differences with respect instead of the assumptions rampant in our real-life culture.

Practice teamwork. Our eight characters have melded into a team that works together to face challenges and work toward goals. The adventure requires everyone’s strengths. No one is the main character. There are no bit parts, only essential ones. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we have learned the dance of working together for the common good. It’s about collaboration, not competition as we create a story together with the guidance of our skilled game master, who gives us freedom to work out our next moves within the framework of the game.

Practice problem-solving skills. As a writer, including for publications like the Wall Street Journal, David  Ewalt penned a book called Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Play It. As a player himself, he observes, “Every time I had to figure out how to reach a goal in an adventure, it helped me develop real-world problem-solving skills; all the time I spent playing with friends taught me how to collaborate with colleagues at work.

Practice creative failing. In our game, we strategize and decide what tactics to use when. We think beyond either-or choices. What if we try this? or that? We have surprised our game master with some of our tactics. Maybe they work, maybe they don’t. When they don’t, we learn something and try another way. Real-life stakes are nonexistent, so it’s easier to move beyond our fear of risk.

Practice ethical responsibility. In our particular group, we try to do all of the above with the least amount of damage possible to living beings, while still achieving what we need for our cause. Isn’t this how a sustainable, socially responsible business succeeds, too?

Practice community. Gaming draws us together. We bond, much like an athletic team, because we have spent a lot of time together, faced adversity, achieved some important milestones, and seen each other at our most heroic and at our lowest. This carries over to our non-character lives, too. “Humans play games for lots of reasons, but the fact that they so easily bring people together must be near the top of the list,” writes Ewalt. “The people that you play games with become your clan, They share your experiences, know your strengths and weaknesses, and help protect you from a dangerous world.”

I encourage you to contact Paul Willis and schedule a gaming event for your own group, whether personal or within your organization. He is a story weaver and executive chef. His business, Dinners and Dragons, will create a unique adventure for a team-building activity at work or for a party of family or friends. Go to the Dinners and Dragons website to choose from a menu of adventures he will lead you through and a menu of fantasy-themed meals he will prepare in your home or other location with a kitchen.

Gather. Feast. Play.

And in the process build your all-important communication skills.

(photo by Armando Are)